But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . He goes to grandma no matter what but me no its very hard not to get upset but I cant even write a sentence without crying now. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. It really hurts. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. If you do, say for a month, please let me know if you notice any improvement in your relationship! amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. There are a few things I would like to say to you. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. help please!!! As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. You sound like a fabulous mom. Very hopeful! My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. Please help me to know what is the problem? Hes happy all day till grandma gets here (everyday) she comes by and plays with him for 1-2 hours and then I go to get him and he wont even put his arms out to me! So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. What she calls you means nothing. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. Dont worry. Babies have a huge radar for love. That does NOT mean that the baby doesnt love dad (or mom in your case), but simply that she is a developmental stage where she mainly can handle showing love to one person at the time. Welcome to Easy Baby Life your one-stop shop for positive parenting tips and tools from pregnancy and on! Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. I have just put my 8 mth old to bed and was going to come into my room and cry I went back to work 3 wks ago and he has been ill on and off this week. We laugh all the time! But, I do know I cant wallow. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. so its my mom or her caretaker. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. Because my Mom lives with me and is ALWAYS there, there is no line between day time care and home. Try to sit back and be proud of yourself! First, talk to your mom about how you feel. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. My baby boy is 6 moths and I know he prefers dad. Never has. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? XOXO, Paula. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. I do each and every work for her. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. It may not feel like it right this moment but things will get better. Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . why is he acting like im the worst person in the world? I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. So youve done great job. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. sometimes I sit and think i should just give her to her father. Our relationship has became better in the past few months and she seems to like me more than before. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. But when she is sick, she comes running to mommy to give her medicine and take here to the doctors. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? A couple of things helped: 1) we play her favorite music at very loud volume during the feeding to distract her, 2) we make sure to feed her before she gets very hungry so that she is still in a good mood, 3) we make sure my husband, the caregiver, always gives her the bottle, and 4) we keep trying at different times if she doesn't take the everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. Adjustment takes time. If it is fairly new maximum 1 year or so what is going on is actually a completely natural development stage in your daughters life. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. It will pass. Unfortunately I allow my feelings to get hurt too easily. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. This has been for pretty much his whole life. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. it really was beautiful. I am depressed. But I believe it can be solved. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. she is taken care by my husbands mother . Please help!!!!! If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. If anything, it will harm the situation more. staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. Here you go honey!. Best of luck. Laura, youre not silly, youre human! I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. you cant help it. I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. His Aunt told me its just a novelty for him. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. If she is secure enough to bond with your mother this quickly, chances are that the bond between you and your daughter will also happen very naturally and grow strong. Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. I just got back to my parents and was so relieved to see my son but he acted and is acting uninterested in me but my husband got a huge happy reaction from our baby. The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. Still, for those of us who are lucky enough to have companies that offer small amounts of paid maternity leave, it's still much shorter than most other countries and often ends far before mom and baby are ready. I am just grateful to know this happens in other cases. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. I felt like a true bond wasnt there. I feel so much for you! For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. It kills me and its making me resent her so much. There isnt anything I wouldnt do for her. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. You can never get this time back. No matter what I do, she still wants me. baby rejecting mom after going back to work If you are off balance, she might notice and you thereby reinforce the rejection. i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Shes the most amazing thing in the world. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. I cry all the time. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. wont she not even a day look out for me. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. by Margaret e Jacobsen. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. All she needs is her grandparents or father. Who would have thought that a tiny little mite like her could devestate me. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. I have an 8 month old daughter. While maternity leave policies last 8-12 weeks, that would mean that at just 2-3 months in, new moms are returning to work with potentially undiagnosed postpartum anxiety or depression and may not know it. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. Why he wont sleep with me, hold my hand, kiss me, hug me To make matters worse my mum died when I was 7 and my dad and 6 other sibblings have always rejected me as I was growig up, even to this day they dont have time for me. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. I am in the same position yet I do not work. A ground-breaking study has found that mothers can go back to work months after the birth of their child without the baby's wellbeing suffering as a result. Sigh. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. Hang in there! However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. i just feel like a bad parent coz as soon as my partner comes home my daughter is all smiles again, so she makes me out to be a lier. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. So much for breastfeeding and bonding. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. And do things together all of you. but Ive become hardened to it. Please, ask for help. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. It may take a few tries for that method to work. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. It doesnt work! When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Im so glad I found this post! Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. What is wrong with me? Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? I feel bad for the child. My son is fine with me round anyone else. A scary thought! He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. Which just doesnt help at all! What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! I am so confused and sad. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! I give him 100000 kisses daily and hugs to kind of make up for it. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. Up till this point she has always been a happy child, always smiling and loved everyone. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! there babys there used to those that give them there needs and time and attention Im going on my 3rd baby and what i find affective is how the care provider response when you get there Im always excited and hug and kiss daddy when he is home and thats how my children respond they love daddy but when they want or need something its always mommy and believe me some time i want it to be daddy, MY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREFERS ANYONE BUT ME, EVEN THO I BREAST FEED, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL, I TRY NO TO SPOIL HER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY DAUGHTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NICE AND SO ON I NEVER HAD A POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION SO IT CANT BE THATIM LAID OFF SO IM WITH HER 24/7 NO ONE HAS EVER BABY SET HER I DONT HAVE MY PARENTS NEAR OR ANY FAMILY, BUT MY HUSBAND FAMILY COME OVER AROUND TWICE A WEEK I ALWAYS WANTED HER TO BE OPEN WITH PEOPLE AND NOT TO BE SHY SO I THAGTH HER TO LOVE EVERY ONE ESPECIALLY HER GRANDMOTHER BUT NOW I THINK I DID MISTAKE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANY MORE :( IS DEPRESSING ME NOW PLEASE HELP ME..IAM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES THANK YOU. Its absolutely heartbreaking to me. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. What scares me the most is that I dont want her to start having tantrums when she cant get what she wants. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. And when he wakes up at night he always looks for his dad and when I want to hold him he pushes my hands away. He didnt want to talk to his dad when he was with his mom either. My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. Weekends too. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. I am in the same boat. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. Skin contact is great for bonding. Use this time to get down on the floor and play with her, take a bath together, read her a story, curl up in bed and tell her a bed story or sing to her or do whatever she loves doing. I cant stop crying. Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. 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