Most guys would take charge and say, This is what we need to do. But there has to be some time for her to vent. A most contributing factor to heart disease in men is testosterone. PR.com: What are your thoughts on traditional couples counseling, considering that it doesnt seem to touch on their being a physiological reason why men have certain behavioral tendencies, and women have other behavioral tendencies? During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with She had Oprah Winfrey's heart and creative instincts inform the brand -- and the magnetism of the channel.Winfrey provides leadership in programming and attracts superstar talent to join her in primetime, building a global community of like-minded viewers and leading that community to connect on social media and beyond. PR.com: How can a couple break the cycle where anger and resentment builds up, so their sex life dies, and the lack of sex creates further tension and drives them further apart? (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images). Ill still forget to do stuff, but my wife just simply asks me to do it again. She engages her husband as a helper and a hearer and promises her gratitude for his work when she is done. PR.com: You talk in the book about the physiology of stress reduction for women, specifically. When women are under stress their brains tend to speed up, and mens tend to slow down. When men talk about negative feelings their estrogen will go up! John Gray: In my personal life, I had been married to Bonnie (Grays wife of twenty-five years) for seven years, we had a family and we lived very happily together. Part of what this knowledge does is it creates room for me to be a guy and for her to be a woman. Thats what a man can do, but a woman needs to have some nurturing support which allows her brain to relax. Sometimes its a choice. A collaboration between Wellness Force and Essential Oil Wizardry to provide inspiration for you click here. The cure for overwhelm + stress is here: a simple yet powerful21-minute morning system that melts stress and gives you more energy through 6 science-backedpracticesand breathwork. And I didnt know that much of my behavior over the past year has been a desperate attempt to rebuild oxytocin. The Getty Images design is a trademark of Getty Images. How much is this computer going to cost? How a woman being in her masculine all day. It cant be all that much fun to be Bonnie Gray, the wife of John Gray, the founding genius of the Mars/Venus industry. So thats how this round ends with a woman like Bonnie. John Gray: It gets to the root of the matter, and then we can honor those differences because many of them are physiological. The more the complaints the worse life becomes. You mentioned that for some couples when the sex drive goes away there is anger about that, but for some couples there is actually a peacefulness that sets in when the sex drive is gone. I know Ive been the emotional one plenty of times, not aware of why. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. (He asked her what she wanted to buy.) I think his characterizations of male and female roles are stereotyped and rigid. That has value for the same reason I like reading womens magazines at the doctors office: I like to know what women really think about. [1] This was written to illustrate how John did what needed to be doneand so should we all, guysand so resolved the crisis. WebDr. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Bonnie says, I have a lot of feelings coming up, and I would like to talk about them. Im sure they cared enough about each other to say, Just go off and be happy. Or it could have been the other way around. A side effect is that they stop being women. (This latter means, of course, that they stop being women in the way Gray thinks they ought to be.). Most people dont understand. Bei kommerzieller Verwendung sowie fr verkaufsfrdernde Zwecke kontaktieren Sie bitte Ihr. He has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, as well as on The Dr. Oz Show, TODAY, CBS This Morning, Good Morning America, and others. It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. He says he is ducking and dodging, continuing to hold back and not retaliate, but he is aware that he can take only so much more. WebThe best change I made was marrying my wife, Bonnie, and having a family. (He observes this, after a pause. Dr. John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. New York publishers then wanted to re-publish it so it could go national. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: new relationship skills for our complex modern world. But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. John Gray: The good thing is that women are, to a great extent, seen as equals in the workplace, and in the universities there are more women graduating than men. Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Click here for our founders Free Health Journal. Poor me is addictive, and releases the wrong hormones. There are some therapists who dont have this insight, and they tend to just referee while having everyone talk. They would call me up and say, What does this mean? because I was a well known expert on gender. Bonnie says, I have a lot of feelings coming up, and I would like to talk about them. We dont look to one person for everything. Till next time, wishing you health, love, and joy! WebBus Schedule. In this in-depth interview, best-selling relationships author John Gray, PhD discusses how modern life is wreaking havoc on our delicate hormonal balance, and how differentiating male and female hormones are largely responsible for feminine and masculine behavioral patterns that we observe in our partners, much to our frustration and misinterpretation. But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. He talked to all his friends and everyone told him to end it. PR.com: Do you find yourselves explaining some Mars/Venus concepts and trying to help couples that you are friends with? Do you struggle with anxiety or depression? We charge a nominal fee for our Bootcamps in order to cover our costs of running the bootcamps and the doctors time. So what I did was to spend some time apologizing for being late. How Dr. John would comfort his wife when she would have, What creates passion in a relationship: our differences and being. I think his characterizations of male and female roles are stereotyped and rigid. John: I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. Once this is established, understanding and respecting the differences between you and your partner becomes easier, communication flows, and intimacy flourishes. For women- When you feel successful in getting the love and support they need. I got the news, on my honeymoon, that my father had died. Join HealCirclesto get free trusted support for greater health! But to become like a woman is not the answer. Bonnie: Of course you do. For women, anytime they do things that they enjoy doing, feel safe doing, their cortisol and adrenalin will go down. John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Im here to help men and women create strong, passionate bonds that last a lifetime. Very few women have that insight, so hell end up feeling guilty. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. Men are great problem solvers. I want to poke just a little today at the way John and Bonnie Gray illustrate what communication between a husband and a wife ought to look like. Pretty smart of us, I think. You just go away for a day and do things that you love to do, and if you want you can give me a call, and Ill get a babysitter and come visit you at a hotel room., John Gray: It was a very sweet time of our lives and I remember it very clearly. And if the guy says, I need to spend a little alone time, and you say, Just go on and get out of here, I mean, what a brilliant thing! Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. He is an avid follower of his own By Allison Kugel, Senior Editor - July 15, 2010, Reproduction without explicit written permission is prohibited. Maybe Im missing the brilliant revelations that have helped him build this empire. How we regulate and respond to stress determines our heart health. John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. I MUCH prefer the earlier title of this book: His point in this book is that we dont know what we need to know because our parents didnt tell us and they didnt tell us because we are living a life that would have mystified them entirely. Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. Our lives are marred by fast-paced schedules and a barrage of technology, and gender roles are no longer clearly defined, but there are simple adjustments that can be made to re-balance male and female hormonal harmony. If youre just about to win something then naturally youre going to take the next step. It was ugly and I am glad I dont do it anymore. Well, for lots of reasons. Whenever we have something new to share that we know will benefit you on your journey (free resources, video trainings, personal insights, and special offers), we share it through free email updates. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships. So we want to regulate stress levels- challenge is how we RESPOND to the stress in our life. If your stress level increases it can create a tear leading to heart attack. Easily a week could slip by and you kind of went, What happened there? What happens is it is so easy to get out of the routine, and out of the habit of it. They have been happily married for over 30 years and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. How do you know? My answer in those years was, Ive got a counseling practice, and Im married myself, and women almost all say the same things (laughs) about their husbands, and about themselves. There were themes that are very universal in almost every household. Its starting to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person. Oh, please! I thought in terms of estrogen and Progesterone. Maybe I am mad that you want so much more than me. It all comes back down to the hormones of passion. Just a note here to clarify my position on the Mars & Venus books. John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. And it isnt always rope-a-dope. Cancer and the New Biology of Water with Dr. Thomas Cowan | Part 2. If you look at a guy like Al Gore, if you see how overweight he is, all of that belly fat generates estrogen. But estrogen doesnt lower stress for women. But what I didnt know is, hormonally, men and women are actually wired to think and behave in different ways. Then, she comes home to her partner who is safer than the rest of the world and those negative emotions all come up and overreact on him. 2Go Travel; Cokaliong Shipping Lines; Maayo Shipping Lines Liked what you heard? JOIN HEART HEALTH CIRCLE with Dr. Joel Kahn. Just today my wife was having a strong reaction about [something], and because I know Mars/Venus I wont say much (laughs). In this episode: Proven tips to immediately strengthen your relationship The biggest mistakes people make in the home Secrets of a happy marriage; and So the greater the stress in our lives, the more the differences [between men and women] will tend to show up. You are going to buy what you want and thats it. Collect, curate and comment on your files. WebIn hardcover, it was the #1 bestselling book of the 1990s. (She persisted, not answering my question.). In the next post, I am going to show you what happens when I actually act on those sentiments, rather than just asking them abstractly. WebAuthor John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. Stress raises estrogen. Wussy, eh? WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. My daughter Lauren and I are deeply committed to helping you attract, create, and nurture the love that is your birthright. John Gray is the founder of the now vast Mars/Venus industries: books, seminars, websites, and so on. Do you think loss of passion in relationships is mainly physiological and hormonal, or is it emotional and anger-related? You go away; Im taking care of everything. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. I ask questions like, Is it really fair that I have to put up with this kind of abuse over and over? I ask, Is this really the best she can do? I ask, Is it always going to be like this.. If that fails, pull out the rope-a-dope, which is what he does. Yes, we clearly got a couple of good ones, and I know you were being self-congratulatory in a jokey way, but we are with Kathie and Bette out of choice, not providence. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. Its spot on! For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. You know, the other day with this happened, I had a lot of feelings come up. They have been happily married for over 30 years and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. But there is another guy who hangs out with girls because they listen to him talk about his feelings, and hell say guys dont relate to it or like it at all. Learning to deal with our emotions and stress is the key to heart health. Your email address will not be published. I have actually done that. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. This is why we dont sell products, get paid for recommendations, or sell ads on our podcast. PR.com: This may be an offensive question for some people, but do you think that the womens movement over the past few decades has actually hindered male/female relationships and caused the divorce rate to rise? We just hang out and we update each other on our lives. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. Thats a reality that has happened to all of us. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice.
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