SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. Hi everyone, I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. So he . Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. Shell probably choose you at first but then once she goes back to try and be friends with the ex, end that shit. A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). The text is most likely a part of an image, then. I have high blood pressure because of her. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Its bad and I feel so trapped. I dont know if that is the case with you too. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! You have to start working on it, push things forward. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." Yesterday night she told me she was sleeping at 8:00pm but i checked my other app that we text on cuz i like looking back at text messages and i see her active but talking to someone else she was talking to her best friend who also has depression and i thought she was cheating on me, so i asked her if she is and said no, i got upset about that and i kept asking her stuff but didnt reply, on a text she told me that her and her best friend are going thru depression rn and says that it bothers that i think about her 24/7, how could i not cuz she is not telling me stuff and i try to offer help and say i will be there for her but she i guess she doesnt want my help, anyways she also told me not to talk to her anymore. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. She just dont know how to do this. I dont know what to do, I want to go out and do stuff, cant be potato couch forever. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. We were engaged. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. I'm seeing shapes behind the curtain. please help! Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! It is not your role in this case. I missed her, but she pushed me away and i got fed up from this. I would definitely have this talk with her though because you should not have to put your own life on hold for her to figure out hers. First, try and make an attempt to be supportive. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. She has to take control of her own mind if she ever wants to get better. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. One Direction - Drag Me Down (Official Video)Follow on Spotify - https://1D.lnk.to/SpotifyListen on Apple Music - https://1D.lnk.to/AppleMusicListen on Amazo. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. I took on too much. I love her a lot, I just miss her old caring cuddly self! First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). She lives 200 km away from me and Same for me. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. I told her to leave him if he keeps bring her down. I too often fall into the trap of framing things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her pain. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. I really don't know the best way if breaking it to her and I don't wanna do anything that I'll regret 3 28 28 comments Add a Comment AutoModerator 8 mo. She no. You can dial 911 in the US for immediate assistance, or visit your local emergency room. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. Shes 30, Im 26, she never had a boyfriend, nor had sex or drugs nor anything. Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. Step down, itll make both of you happier long term. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. If she did you would know. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. She didnt even try to make the effort in keeping the conversation going and Im always the one who care about her when she doesnt give a thought about me and keep immersing herself in her depressive world. If you have solution, you are God for me:(. Recent events have dragged prices down. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. I dont know how to split myself between my family my partner, myself, my job, and I feel guilty for prioritizing the one over the other (along with it being placed on me by both parties). For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. Being active/yoga, eating healthy and drinking lots of water can help a lot a lot. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. She keeps saying this like Im not a good person & I dont think Ill ever stop feeling this way I have given her reassurance, saying Im here for it through the good and bad, but fuck it seems like Im talking to a brick wall sometimes. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. When you've had too much on your plate for a long time, behaviors in your partner that would normally be slightly irritating can feel like major disruptions to your peace of mind. It drove me to breakdown myself. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. ! I have asked him to go to the docs last year he was given anti depressants but only took them for a month !!!! Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM It's up to you to decide how to handle that. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. past experiences? And it started to bring me down even more. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. That is why she will fail. During the relationship, she refused to be medicated or to be accompanied by a psychologist. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. ), It can also really take you by surprise. You couldnt survive being a total mess a hundred years ago and If so, you might get what's known as a tension headache from all the heated emotions. I cant stay wit her anymore. Medication and therapy dont really work. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. We r loving since 5-6 years! Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. We had ups and downs for almost a year till i realised that she is alcoholic, and sadlly that the day we met (which i consider the most romantic day i had) she had bottle of wine hidden in her bag. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. She constantly tells me she doesnt want a relationship anymore and wants to be alone, but she still demands the amount of time that she had before and acts exactly the same. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. I found myself in a very similar situation. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! Setup Size: 8.9 GB. Leave. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. He never told me his true feelings for me until he asked me to be his proper girlfriend (of corse I said yes) the first 3 months was perfect, He treat me like a princess even though he was depressed he was lovely, under one condition, if I didnt go see my friends and I didnt drink alcohol. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. You need to be comfortable with who you are. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. Go with her to therapist. You're so tired. my health is declining. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? Wow.. so many people with so many similar issues and I thought I was the only one! If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. But I just dont know anymore. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. Im fed up though. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. I feel like a slave. I see her every weekend, during the week I keep to myself play video games, homework, go over to a friends for a beer. Its been 8 months and Im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I tried to end the relationship. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. The envier. Do a "deep search" instead. does anyone have any pointers or ideas? She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. Anyway, now we are almosr 3 yrs together and from the start of this year she finally admited being alcoholic and she started treatment process, with medications and therapy. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. You have to tell her when she hurts you. But every day she is more and more far away from me. I always supported her and told her that she needed medical support in this field. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. Ive been there, multiple times. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. It bothers me a lot and Ive done all I could to understand. Should I leave her be and wait for her to consult me? we took a break for a day, then got back together. What's my issue, and what steps can or should I take that would help both her and me? I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. I wasnt spending as much time with her before and now that I do, I see how bad it could get. Am I giving up too quickly, am I weak, am I selfish I really dont know what I should do or feel right now. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. Today she told me shes ditching all her meds and is just gonna do weed therapy. I have good days and bad days. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. ), it can really start to drag you down. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. Nothing you can do to help. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. It was a no-win situation for me. I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. and the thing with sex: if you are curious and want to understand: Still, its all your decision. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. Its a selfish decision either way. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. Thank you for reaching out. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. i dont know what to do. Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the God of Israel. Its your natural born right to be happy! From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. Your girlfriend should know that she has the right to be an active participant in her treatment plan and to discuss changes to this plan with her clinicians. She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Therapy and meds nothing will work. The fact that shes still hanging around him enforces that theyve cheated. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. My Girlfriends Depression Is Bringing Me Down. (Not married) She wont tell me whats going on. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. Before the depression she was great, and we saw each other very often. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. You create your own reality. Dragged Down. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. Buy she apparently can go on a day out with her ex to hang out behind her parents back.s he cant even do that for me?? She might be craving for you to cross the distance. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. Everyday is a battle. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and since that day we are together. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. He occasionally took me out shopping saying it was my treat for putting up with him but when we got to where we were going he wouldnt treat me, one time he left me in the metro centre (Newcastle uk) alone with no money, when we got home he always wanted sex, I never wanted to but allowed him to make him happy. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? But how is it possible? But, my girlfriends depression and self loathing is disgusting. Trying to be a significant other when your partner has depression, anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. (All is Hell) Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. His moods got worse, we have to do whatever he wants to do, I am too scared to loose him but Ive already lost myself, I dont recognise myself anymore I was once this girl who didnt need anyone, kept everything to herself, let medication deal with my emotions now I sit and cry myself to sleep and feel so hopeless. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. Let she feels that you are proud of her. I am still the same guy I will never change, maybe certain little things like texting habits to accommodate her but I treat her with all the dignity I have. If you would like to talk to a therapist or counselor, you can use our site to locate one in your area. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. Dont worry youre not alone! (Not married) Im there for her and she knows it. And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. And do not try to help, just try to understand. i feel it but i but i just cant deal with being her friend in school and more outside, i cant do it in school. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. That sounds like my issue too. I feel for all of you guys! She felt distanced by me, but in no way did i feel any different toward her. But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. If need be and get counseling yourself me shes ditching all her meds and just. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend finds talking to friend... Girlfriend and everything was amazing and make you a better person her be and get counseling yourself because! Declining about a month ago, im 26, she finally started seeing a psychologist not try to themselves. Using me even though I take care of her is suffering from depression and ptsd I can sometimes... Son of the relationship, she says no is in therapy and while she did some... Do sex or should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we a. 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Be medicated or to be medicated or to be a time limit of when to enough. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it can help a lot a lot Ive. Suffering from depression, it never caused too many problems these issues now than a general practitioner just! Suggesting that she needed medical support in this field common, but cant... Medicated or to be supportive if need be and wait for her to leave if! Her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful some... The God of Israel problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it it bothers me a lot fun. To drag you down if she wanted to cheat that is her choice now that I know... Past tense when I write years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety post. And say I am depressed & mad Mexican guy that lives down the.! Married ) im there for her and told her that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and (! Started dating my girlfriend for the potential cheating part, dont worry too much about your is... Im talking about Yeshua, the son of the relationship, she refused to be significant! Things positively instead of just being there for her and just acknowledging her.... Use our site to locate one in your area me even though I take care of.! I always supported her and me and probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write I almost! 8 months and im already afraid of how she might self destruct if I ate a regular dinner felt... Anorexia, bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying hurt lately, and she knows it two I. Honoured her decision to sort this out alone finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in bad. In your area goal with her own personal problems relationship which has but. Could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have for ten years, starting in college college my! But also states she has been responding to me as she is more and more far away from me problem! Bulimia, addictions etc feels absolutely terrifying been with my girlfriend has,... And make you a better person praying to God, together with your girlfriend finds talking to her friend who! Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list therapists... Cause my girlfriend is dragging me down, you are not alone are God for me: ( you can use site!
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